Memories and New Beginnings

    Pacing along the Fireclan Border Hazefire let out a sigh, he'd only been sent here because apparently there'd been some sort of incident on the border with one of the Apprentices during their assignment and Fallenstar had just wanted him to go and check it out.
He had to admit, he'd spewed a lot of hatred for Fallenstar, and had probably been a lot more vocal about it than the others in the Clan, but perhaps... perhaps there was a chance that he was ready to change. The Great War seemed to have brought out both the worst and the best in the Leader, and thankfully he seemed to be landing on the latter.
    But the border seemed quiet, there were a couple of places where the scent line crossed, that must have been where the incident a day or two ago had been, but nothing fresher.
    Perhaps he should start to head back and report to Fallenstar before finding Goldflame to share some freshkill with.

    The sun hung high in the pale sky, its rays dancing along the hard clay ground and dappling the young she-cat's form. She was off on a self-assigned hunting patrol, and while she'd managed to catch a rather large lizard closer to camp, her mind was far too distracted to focus on much. It was nearing the hotter part of the day, and already she could feel the burn of the sun on her back, but she disregarded it. What use would she be if she couldn't handle a bit of heat? Wincing slightly as her pad collided with a particularly hot rock, she let out an ill-tempered sigh, giving the said chunk a well-deserved kick - only to have her paw throbbing heavily in return. A sigh escaped from her muzzle, and she paused in her journey, for a moment allowing her amber gaze to travel up to the sky.
    Are you there, Adderpaw?
    It had been many moons since the loss of her friend, and ever since she had fallen into a downward spiral. Rarely did she talk to other cats, rarely did her ears stand perked. She felt so utterly alone. If only he had still been alive, if only she had gotten to say goodbye! Frowning as she neared the MoonClan border, she pinned her ears flat against her skull, mind flickering to that good-for-nothing apprentice who had decided to cross the border to chase after their prey. It had been a relatively rare incident, but nonetheless, she gave herself a shake and tensed her hind legs, scaling the cliff wall with the precision that could only be held by a seasoned FireClan warrior. Claws extended to assist in her ascent, the hairless she-cat pulled herself over the cliff wall, only to find herself glaring into the eyes of a much darker tom. Her lip curled into a snarl.
    "W-what in the name of StarClan do you think you're doing here?" She hissed, her temper growing hotter the longer her gaze rested on the MoonClanner. Seasons ago she would have been thrilled to meet up with a certain MoonClan tom...but now he was gone. And he wasn't coming back. A mix of despair and growing anger churned in her belly. Now all MoonClan meant was pain.
     "Well?" She added, face contorted into a snarl.


    He had been about to turn back when suddenly a rather unusual looking she-cat appeared over the cliff, almost colliding with him - that admittedly was his fault, he was a little closer to the edge of the border than he'd intended. It took him a moment to process her appearance, then he remembered Tornkit, and felt himself calm a little now that he was able to relate her to something more familiar.
"I'm sorry," he stepped away from the border apologetically, "I was too close to the border it won't happen again, I'd just been sent to check it," he didn't mention Fallenstar by name, he knew that was a bad move, particularly with things how they were.
    Now that he looked closer and from a safer distance he found he did recognise this she-cat, Dune... something, he'd seen her at Gatherings, not that he'd really gone over to talk to her, she'd been an Apprentice then, and it was unusual for Warriors to talk to the rank below them unless they had friends still in that rank or were approached by one.
    He wondered if she was particularly cold at this time of year. He knew it was warmer in Fireclan than it was in his own Clan, but surely even they'd experienced a drop in temperature which would make it cold relative to them.
How would Tornkit have done if he'd made it to Leafbare in Moonclan? Hazefire wasn't confident it would have gone so well, perhaps in that sense it was a blessing that he died when he was still so young.

        Piercing amber gaze wary, the scarred she-cat frowned as she glared into the MoonClanner’s eyes, her head raised ever so slightly in defiance, muzzle twitching as she waited for what was surely to come. She was prepared. For staring, scoffing, incredulous remarks. She’d faced it all. Dunelight tightened her lips, stiffened her posture, as if preparing herself for an attack, partially unsheathed tawny claws.

    But the perpetual onslaught didn’t come. She blinked as the dark tabby apologized, and she pinned her oversized ears against her skull, flicking her gaze over his form, a half-formed growl in her throat. Confusion crossed her gaze, and she swallowed, eyes narrowed. “Right. You’d better be.” The FireClanner scoffed, though her unprepared words came out oddly. She glanced aside, feeling her chest tighten up. The last cat who’d reacted similarly…Adderpaw…he was gone. So long gone. He’d promised. And now he was nothing more than a memory, a flicker of what once was, what could have been. She felt her stomach writhe.

    ”Go away.” The words were sudden, tight. She forced herself to stare aside, her claws tightening their grip on the ground, legs stiffening. Memories, dreams she’d locked up in the deepest, safest place in her mind were fighting to be set free. How long had it been since she'd lost him? How many moons had passed since their promise? How long had it been since she had truly allowed herself to feel, to allow the ice around her heart to waver. She felt numb, and without warning she saw his face in her mind's eye, his ghostly scent. The feeling of his fur against hers. Her heart was pounding, her paws were trembling. She was coming apart, and this stupid MoonClanner would be her undoing. A salty tear stung her eye, and she felt another hiss rumble up in her throat.
    ”Just go.”

    She still seemed angry, but Hazefire could tell she was a little taken aback at the same time, perhaps she wasn't used to Cats being polite to her. That made him rather sad, no Cat should ever feel unwanted or unliked. He shook his head, perhaps he was jumping to conclusions, he didn't know anything but her name after all.
    Then she surprised him, "Go away."
    Knowing he wasn't wanted, Hazefire was about to do just that, when he caught the glimpse of a tear in her pale amber eye. He couldn't leave her like this.
Awkwardly sitting down opposite her on his side of the border, he half reached out a paw in comfort, though he didn't touch her, afraid of alarming her, "Hey, there's no need to cry" he told her gently, "What's wrong?"
    She was from another Clan, yes, but that was no reason to be rude.



    She was falling apart. Everything she had kept locked away, never to be accepted, never to be acknowledged again was coming back. Memories, scents, the pounding of hearts. The floodgates had opened, and she hadn't learned how to swim. The hairless she-cat was trembling heavily, silently praying to StarClan that the tom had left. She refused to be seen like this, refused to have some stupid MoonClanner see the ice around her heart begin to crack. Refused to have him see her cry. Squeezing her eyes tight shut, the patched she-cat unsheathed her claws once more, for once not in a manner of aggression, but to ground herself in a world that seemed to be falling apart. Her eyes flashed open as she heard pawsteps grow nearer. ”I said to get lo-“

    Flinching, Dunelight stared incredulously at the outstretched paw, for a moment thoroughly perplexed. ”Nothing you can help with.” She murmured, her voice hoarse, a hint of the fire that had burned moments before. Before she realized it, the words had come tumbling out and there was no stopping the flood.

    ”Adderpaw.  His name…was Adderpaw. He’s all I ever had, my only friend, the only one I ever needed, and he’s gone. He’s been gone so long, and he promised never to leave me. He promised.” She stared up at him with tear stricken eyes, her amber irises tinged red with anguish, fury. ”He was everything to me – and now I can’t see him again. Not really. I’ve tried to forget him, I’ve tried to forget everything. But I can’t.” She felt herself shaking, the world spinning, then she whirled towards the black tabby with a snarl on her maw. Without even realizing it, everything that had tormented her over the past moons had come flooding out, with some stupid MoonClanner as witness to her pain. She had loved Adderpaw. More than the sun, the moon, the stars. And he'd never truly know. And without him she had become a shell, haunted, angry, just as alone as before she first laid eyes on him.

    Dunelight felt herself burning, whether from anger at the tom before her or herself or pure grief or pain she didn’t know.

    ”Just forget it. Just go away." Her claws sunk into the earth.

    Adderpaw? As in Adderstrike? Marigoldflame's dead brother, he'd been friends with Dunelight? That was a piece of knowledge that had escaped him - and usually he was quite observant. He did get a strong feeling in his chest that perhaps Adderstrike and Dunelight might have meant more to each other than friends, as the Fireclan she-cat went on to talk about him, but he didn't mention that, what good would it do.
    "I'm sure he didn't want to leave you" he continued, still hesitant in comforting the stranger, but his own moral guidelines not allowing him to leave until either she ran off or had calmed down a little, "I'm sure Adderstrike didn't want to leave any of his loved ones."
    He remembered Marigoldflame and Skylily crying over the place where their brother had been buried and even Duststorm had been more quiet than usual for quite some time.
    He didn't know the family very well, he'd just ended up breaking up quite a few fights Marigoldflame had gotten herself into recently.

    She opened her mouth to attempt out one last threat, a desperate, silent wish for him to leave, but it was so halfhearted her hiss sounded more like a stunted choke. Her throat was burning, her eyes rimmed with salty liquid that spilled over into tiny rivers down barren skin. Her grip on the earth had wavered, and any hope of preserving her image had been swept away with the rush of emotion. She was the picture of absolute misery – her head hung low, drooping ears akin to the wilting grass that managed to peek through the cracked FireClan earth, her shoulders hunched heavily.

    Loved ones.

    The tom’s words struck a painful blow across her heart, her chest aching as if she had literally been clawed. Adderstrike...so that was his name. He was a warrior, even in the stars. She swallowed back a silent sob. 

    ”I don’t have anyone left.” Who had she had in the first place? Desertrose, maybe. Her adopted mother had always looked at her with pride in her eyes, but didn’t she treat every orphaned kit the same? Or had she just taken pity on some ugly hairless kit that her own mother had seen as a curse from the heavens? Her mentor no longer paid her much mind – and she had yet to brave meeting her new apprentice.

    She felt utterly alone.



    "I-I'm sure that's not true" Hazefire stammered out, completely unsure of course, but he wouldn't accept the idea, "maybe somebody wants to be your friend but they're too shy or something like that" he suggested, giving her a hopeful smile. They were Clan Cats, they could never be entirely alone, he refused to believe that was possible, "Do you have family in Fireclan? An Apprentice maybe?"
    He was hovering on the border now, half tempted to cross it to do a better job at comforting her, but he knew he shouldn't.
    "I'm Hazefire" he introduced, realising he hadn't actually done so yet, "A Moonclan Warrior and the biggest thistle in Fallenstar's pelt," he grinned here, flicking his tail in a jovial way hoping that might help to cheer her up.
    Of course he knew bringing Fallenstar up was always a risky business, but he'd accepted now that they needed to move on for a future and put their grudges behind them, the future should be something positive you could look forward to, rather than something awful you were dreading.

    ”How do you know it’s not true?” She shot back at him, whirling around in a manner that suggested she might attack, though her claws were long sheathed, her ears wilting, her eyes glinting with grief-stricken frustration. Hot tears were streaming down her cheeks, burning with a molten intensity on her exposed skin. ”How do you know anything? Look at me. Who in their right minds would want to spend any length of time near some hideous naked cat?” Her teeth were clenched, fighting back the anger that flared from her chest, combating the grief that threatened to drench it. Her emotions were at war, hot versus cold, fire versus water. And it was more than she could bear.

    Opening her mouth to shoot out some retort, the FireClanner’s gaze met his, and she swallowed, taking a deep breath and forcing herself to calm down. This wasn’t his fault. None of this was his fault. An almost inaudible apology left her lips, before she shook her head, half scoffing at the notion. ”An apprentice.” Her statement was simple – she didn’t want to divulge into  the anxiety that came along with the responsibility. Surely Birdpaw had hoped for another cat – one that would be seen as strong – as respectable.

    A frown crossed her maw as she bit back another round of tears, a large ear flicking ever so slightly to acknowledge the tom’s words as he spoke once more. ”Dunelight.” She mewed.


    Hazefire nodded his head, how could a young she-cat still in the prime of her life allowed herself to gather such a negative opinion of herself. She had so much to live for and so much to look forward to in life, she shouldn't be talking like this, but he didn't let himself get caught up in her emotion.
Instead he calmly glanced up at the sky to check the time, then looked slowly back at her, "Well I've been here for some length of time and I'm quite enjoying our conversation," he smiled, "Apart from the parts where you yell at me or look like you're about to claw my ears off of course."

    So she had an Apprentice, she wasn't going to tell him more than that, but at least she had somebody there.

    "It's a pleasure to meet you Dunelight, I must confess I knew Dune was part of your name, though I think you were an Apprentice the last time I saw you at a Gathering."

    Her ears burning with the whirl of emotions in her chest, Dunelight blinked as the tom spoke once more, the action sending a river of saline down her cheek. His words echoed in her skull. Opening her mouth, she stared incredulously at the tabby, as if searching for a response, but she was unable to summon even a single sentence. ”I…” Flattening her ears, she sniffed slightly, ears tinged pink with frustrated embarrassment. He…was right. ”Right. Ah…sorry about that.” She managed to cough out, her apology awkward and drawn out. So caught up she had been in her anger, her grief, her flood of emotions, that she’d scarcely realized that the MoonClanner, Hazefire, had been weathering the storm the entire time. It was odd. Rarely did any cats look at her for any length of time, even less lingered after she opened her mouth. It seemed as if it was her curse, and she had accepted that fact. But…she faltered. Was this some sort of trick? Some ploy? Eyes burning with tears that now refused to fall any longer, she glanced the tom up and down, as if assessing him for any sign of danger.

    ”Nice…to meet you too.” She mumbled, her shaking paws steadying slightly. This was strange.

    He purred with amusement, "Nice to meet you too Dunelight," he was glad that she seemed to have calmed down a little now. Clearly the poor she-cat hadn't had anyone to talk to for a while or she wouldn't have blurted all this out to a complete stranger.
"So I take it things aren't easy?" He suggested, raising an eye. While he didn't hold anything against her because of her pelt like he knew some would, he wasn't ignorant to how cruel others could be too - Springpaw had reduced Tornkit to tears several times, perhaps that tear in his nose was justice after all.
    It couldn't be easy being different, and Hazefire knew he should count himself lucky - he had a normal tabby pelt, with amber eyes and a healthy body, there weren't many who could count themselves so.
If Dunelight was suffering because of something that she couldn't change, then you didn't simply ignore that factor, you just found a way to tip it on its head and be proud of it.
    "Your pelt must be very good in Greenleaf" he purred, "and much more hygienic than mine that always gets really clotted at that time of year."

    She took a deep breath to steady her ever-shaking paws, silently cursing herself for breaking down in front of a complete stranger. But despite it all, he didn’t seem so bad. At least he hadn’t run away. A frown tugging at the corner of her maw, the she-cat allowed a soft sigh to escape her mouth, before giving a slow shake of her head. Never before had she worn her heart on her sleeve in such a vulnerable, frustrating way, but she couldn’t help it. She was broken, and perhaps…perhaps this was the first step to something better. ”No…not really.” She scoffed, her gaze dropping to her paws. Things had never been easy. ”My birth mother abandoned me. I never knew my father. Probably left with her.” She inhaled slightly, pain glinting in her eyes. ”She didn’t even give me a name.”

    She’d always wondered why – although in her heart she knew. She wasn’t normal, she would have been seen as nothing more than a disgrace. Anger burnt in her stomach. ”Adderpaw was the only one to ever treat me like…like I was good. Like I wasn’t a mistake. I know I’m not. I’ve proved them all wrong time and time again, but…”  She shook her head, waving the topic away.

    An exhausted smile crossed her muzzle and she shook her head at his query, gesturing to her back and paws with a frown. ”I can’t stay out much during Greenleaf without getting burned. FireClan sun isn’t exactly forgiving. Newleaf and Leaf-fall are alright, though.”

    "That's awful..." How could a mother abandon her Kit like that? Even if they were a little unusual, surely that mothering instinct that Cats like Timidbreeze had should kick in, where they'd do anything, even deny the laws of nature in order to keep their Kits safe.
"Adderstrike sounds like he was a very good tom," Hazefire bowed his head in mourning and respect, "I'm sorry I didn't get to know him better," the tom certainly sounded like he'd had a lot of promise, the world could be cruel in so many ways.

    "...but you still doubt it yourself" he finished for her, this time he did cross the border, slowly so she could see what he was doing and wouldn't mistake his movement for aggression.
    He reached out with one paw, brushing it against her whiskers, then touching the tips of her ears before resting down next to her paw, "You have whiskers, ears and paws like mine, and I'm certainly a Cat, in that respect we're exactly the same, but I have gray fur, one of my sons has brown, he's different to me but we're the same as well, kin in fact," he pulled back again to give her back her personal space, "Imagine if every Cat looks like me, you'd never know who was who, wouldn't that be confusing. You're very unique that's true, and you can either choose to be different and let it hold you back and seperate you from others, or it can be something that makes you special, at extension of what everybody else is - you're still like them but just with something that makes you stand out."

    Her shoulders rising in a shrug, Dunelight flicked an ear as if to disregard his statement, though her outward appearance of indifference and internal turmoil were entirely different things. She hated being pitied, but Hazefire’s words sounded so genuine, so real. Part of her wanted to believe that he meant everything he said. She swallowed as the conversation turned to Adderstrike, her heart tightening painfully in her chest. Oh, if only Hazefire knew just how special he was. ”Yes…he was.” She murmured, glancing away for a moment, the handsome brown tabby’s image flashing in her mind’s eye.

    Swallowing, all of her instincts told her to respond no, that she was entirely confident and sure of herself, that anyone who thought otherwise was a mousebrain, but…that would have been a lie. Flinching at his movement, she glanced warily at him before accepting his touch, blinking at him with confusion that gradually cleared as he spoke. She felt her throat close slightly as he continued to speak, and she allowed her gaze to travel to his brilliant yellow, hardly able to believe her ears. Everything he was saying sounded so alien – never before had anyone truly said anything of the sort to her. Why was he being so nice to her? 

    Swallowing past the lump in her throat, Dunelight broke her gaze away from his, for the second time in her encounter with the MoonClanner feeling speechless, lost for words. How exactly could she respond to an outpouring of such genuine kindness?

    ”Th…thank you.” She mewed quietly, her voice hoarse as if she was fighting back tears. 

    "No problem" Hazefire smiled warmly, glad that she seemed to be cheering up now, as he knew that he'd have to get back soon or his patrol would wonder where he'd gone, but before he did, he considered her, "You do have very beautiful eyes you know, a very pale amber yet intense at the same time, wish mine were more like that," it was his principle that every she-cat should be made to feel pretty at some point in their life, and while he was sure Adderstrike had done this for her, it sounded like it had been a while since anybody else had.
    "I have to go now, but perhaps I'll see you around sometime, I had fun talking, just remember what I said."
    He was dancing on his paws as he began to back away towards the bushes and trees that marked the distinctive Moonclan territory, hovering just in case she wanted to say anything more before he left.

    For the first time in a long time – longer than she could remember – she smiled. A real, true, genuine smile that tugged at her maw and made her eyes glint with a spark of life that had so long been absent from her gaze. And it felt good. Blinking with surprise, Dunelight found the tips of her ears growing hot as the tom spoke once more, and she tilted her head, for the the third or fourth time that conversation being frozen in surprise by the tom’s words. Her eyes? She blinked slowly, swallowing, memories of Adderstrike flooding her mind, but this time, it didn’t hurt. It felt good. To remember his voice, his scent, his brilliant blue eyes. And perhaps he was still watching over her. She swallowed back tears.

    ”Goodbye, Hazefire, and…and…thank you.”